Monday, January 23, 2012

the sparrow becomes a phoenix

Well hello! Yes, it's me- coming to you from the comfort of my recliner, while Joanna Lumley marvels at the shores of the nile. I thought it time that I wrote, since it's been far too long since i've blogged and as many of you know, significant things have happened. things that have - at the risk of sounding cliche - changed my life.

it's hard to know how to write this- i mean it's not a casual thing. So i'll just write it as if none of you know what's going on. On November 30, at approximately 11:17am, I was involved in a two car collision, on a winding country road in the mountains that lay between my town and the city. I was with my mother in her tin-foil tough Korean hatchback, driving cautiously uphill; Mum's always a little nervous on winding roads for good reason- large farm vehicles have a habit of racing along in the middle of the road and because of the s-bends, you don't see them till they're right on top of you. And that's exactly what happened. Mum had enough time to swerve slightly, but it wasn't enough- the last thing i remember before the blackness was the front end of a large white SUV coming right toward our windscreen.

I remember every detail of the accident from the moment of impact- I'd tell you about it, but I've lived through it enough times in my own head. The detail is tedious- 7 broken ribs, punctured lung, traumatised sternum, dislocated clavicle, shoulder nerve damage....ICU (twice), emergency surgery, induced comas, blah blah blah. 3 weeks of bland meals, white sheets, pills, needles- a lot of needles. A LOT. And my veins don't give it up easy either. 3 weeks of having to sleep half sitting up and on my back, which I cannot do, so it's probably more accurate to say '3 weeks of sleeping only when i passed out from exhaustion'.

I'm light about it now of course, but that was a pretty rough month. There were days when I was in more pain than the day of the accident, there were days when I pleaded with the nurses not to make me lay down again (anyone who's ever had a lung full of fluid or a broken chest will know what I'm talking about) - some of the painkillers they had me on were so strong I hallucinated for days on end. I sweated, cried, coughed and vomited my way through that month- I even had a tantrum- yeah, i figured I was a girl and I'd had a hard time, I was allowed to kick the table.

But here I am, out of the woods. I'm not exactly healed yet- but I get a little better every week. I made my own dinner tonight for the first time since the accident. I look 'fine' to the eye, but bones are still healing and I have the energy and stamina of a spritely 90 year old. I have a brilliant seat belt scar that has ruined my cleavage (I pray it'll fade by the end of the year) but since I can't wear a bra right now anyway that doesn't really matter. I hate not wearing a bra. And every time I complain about something trivial like that there's a little voice in my head that tells me it could be so much worse. And it could be.

Anyway- blah blah, next subject. And that is thankfulness. All the sympathy, support, emails, donations, secret auctions, prayers, thoughts and best wishes that people sent my way were so completely and utterly soaked up. I'll never be able to express the gratitude for all of that, thank you. It means so much to me that there are all these people all over the world rooting for me to get better. It's working!

So let's put this behind us and move on. I've got big plans for this year, bigger than ever, plans that will roll out as soon as I can manage. The Chinese might call it the year of the dragon, but around these parts, it's the year of the sparrow.